All insurance is now expired. Many more things are on the block. I don't give a f7ck if CSI is so dumb as to accidentally or intentionally kill Justin Bieber in an episode of a fabricated-by-_____-minded WRITERS for that fake world of TV, but this real God damn life and well-being of mine in harm's way at the hands of others' oh-so-ironic error/incompetence is no joke, and we're officially down to the last $300 of existence sustaining funds. How much money do you have? How much money do you routinely spend? On what? I've been living on an average of under $1500 a month for my entire life. Just something to think about in weighing that bang-for-the boom equation of evaluating the capital worth of human individuals. Sure, I'll be richer than necessity or comprehension one day because of a large ice chest full or nothing but my accumulated designs, ideas, life and content one day - but that does nothing foe me here, now, when I NEED comically minimal funds to survive and escape the artificial paradox that woud require more than a few autobiographical documentaries to explain at this point, but who's fault is what? Are you sure? Based on what info?
Like making jokes about my legs not knowing my right knee is blown out? Yeah, the examples of the attacks versus the underlying truth responsible for the vulnerability to them are gonna get really, really, really worse like that when you see the truth in living color.
It's not funny. It hurts. Literally. Look at the 'triggered realization' nature of this essay versus my normal demeanor. Some people seriously need to be fired for the fact that any of this bullsh7t has gone in the ways it has or taken as long as it has while denying me the due credit and respect I deserve, not for just what I did with this second 2006-2011 phase, but even more so for the pre-2006 gauntlet of others' hell I endured prior to it. Taking the hits for others evil and wrongdoing because I risked what I had to help them? To help those below me in need is my nature. It should be everyones. To experience the feelings of wrong and evil some have given in return is not something any living creature on this Earth should experience, and yes, like performing CPR and getting hit in the head from behind with a baseball bat for no-remotely-deserved-whatsoever-reason while doing so hurts, on more than one level. It is that disbelief I have been stunned by for several years now, and surprise, surprise, it doesn't improve with the guilty parties silence and hiding. No matter how long they wait and how much more hell and humiliation I have to endure in this wake.
Whatever your outside opinion is, realize you are not me. Realize you do not know what I know. Realize that just because some of these random f7cktarded people were around my life and project to begin with, it has nothing to do with them being anything like me, or me being in the same scene(s) as them by anything but pure, blind dumb luck in the first place. I judge people by their behavior towards me and others and any/all surrounding or lifelong conditioning context. It's that simple.
The psychological torture and pressure I've been under since my father died and the entire world as I knew it got turned upside down as the launchpad-like-rug was ripped out from underneath me and my life-invested-projects is no joke either. Just because I don't continually voice and whine about the bullsh7t behavior of some characters I've had to deal with, doesn't mean that every time I'm forced to think of them and their behavior in the specific situations with the insulting-beyond-words excuses they give it doesn't hurt and affect me deeply. I have done very little relative to no wrong, which is why I have nothing to hide or worry about. And yet the actions of certain others who have done wrong is what puts me in this position to begin with while they are MIA? Hmmm... Would that bother you? Why doesn't it bother the invisible hovering audience more to see me clearly suffering at the hands of it? It should. The sooner you start caring about right and wrong the better off you are. And not from a full-circle-corrupt sporadically insultingly irresponsibly beyond-dangerous hit-and-miss with full-blind-weight of the very system and humans components on trial approach.
I don't mind taking risks and chances I'm in control of. That's the story of my life. It's what I do. All for good and typically extremely-well-thought-out reason, and with the exception of sabotage or unseen blindsiding elements or bad information, I've been right every damn time, and always noble, harmless, and well-intended in my approach to life and others itself. Like riding my motorcycle slightly faster than the pace of gridlocked traffic = no big deal. Living off of next to nothing, going without sex and relationships for years at a time, sacrificing my time and ability to correct the problems in the world caused by others = still not a big deal to those with lifelong epically ambitious plans and dreams as I have had my entire life. Pay for everything cash upfront and then it's an asset and true equity gained. Invest time/self/risk on the front end like spending one's ultimate worth as a being and personal fortune into a business plan based on known belief, ability, ideas, or solutions, and then collect if/when you were right and it worked.
What I designed and invested my life in was not what I ever expected I might have to to the extents I did, but it was in response to a glaring and impossible-to-ignore condition of the world I happened to find myself in, and as-is my nature, I learned from all the everything I came into contact with good/bad/ugly/other my entire life and have been collecting, adapting, and syncing all the pieces to fit, which is why I can even enjoy and laugh at living in my truck for the problem-solving-experience research reasons that I have when finding myself in the perfect guinea pig like circumstance to chose such directions and make best use of my project's fame and attention.
However being pushed too far into some of these beyond-belief scenarios and being expected to ride my motorcycle with the glaring life-threatening danger of having a tire blowout while the money in everyone else's hands all around is what it is = completely unacceptable.
I haven't called my mom in a few weeks and a few months before that because her embarrassingly ostrich and beyond-sick-and-clueless "toughlove"/Tace Bell POV (while saying I'm crazy for claiming I'm a writer as she refuses to read anything I write) is more than my fully-aware sanity can deal with, and if all the rich kids and the incomprehensible slap-in-the-face sexual behavior hasn't been too much to bear as the country, world, and millions of lives burns and suffer, apparently me realizing my life is in danger because the tires on Flash are worn-through to the belts is where I draw the f7cking line.
940.945.4259
Someone, anyone, EVERYONE call/email/visit Darlene, and tell her that if a $10-12k tax-writeoff of the 7+ figures she's sitting on and collecting at a steady rate aren't to be used MUCH, MUCH, MUCH differently than she is using them in light of the world as it turns, there are going to be even bigger problems. Any random celebrity or businessman or whatever offer to pay her the token money in exchange if she is that whatever that she somehow thinks she is teaching, helping, or improving anything versus making a fool of herself and me and the entire God-damn epic project I built all alone with her only telling me I wasn't good, or special, or better than anyone else my entire life. The catch 22 of million dollar (even the cheesy ones) inventions I've been sitting on my entire life while surrounded by bad company and apathetic parents my entire life is bad enough, putting my life and the Future of the planet at risk (all the designs and ideas in my mind unwritten or shared) because of things like $150 motorcycles tires when $X,000,000 are just sitting there collecting interest to buy...NOTHING...is just insane. She learned it from my grandmother, who, prior to my dad dying and my mom going AWOL, it was commonly accepted was insane when it came to money, and the only consensus was "never grow up or get old to be like grandma". Back when I was in college and we were visiting out here, long before any of these epic and omni-presently verifiable signs of my apparently ability and worth had been manifested, she said "Never let me be like grandma. That's what the money is for." (spending on reasonable needs/wants) Now that I'm not even remotely asking for a handout, but merely a relaunch (after the first 2006 sabotage) loan/investment into a token long-delayed career/project, that has done something of ultimate worth, by design - not chance, that any other person would consider impossible, from nothing, with literally thousands of examples of proof of adoption, and in it, success, at an invested expense of millions if not billions by others, and for an amount that is literally, tragically, comically nothing in the grand scale of things and will otherwise be given away to the government at a 50+% taxed rate when she dies...and that money would prevent this entire nightmarish domino effect scenario my life is presently in that is causing me to invest my time writing narratives like this when I realize how just not-OK things are in the grand scheme of things?...it's an argument for sanity not just well-earned survival funds.
What the fuck.
You too Hollywood. D.C. Billionaire businessmen and fans from around the world. Look at that tire. Look at the token video of my daily and necessary commute through LA traffic as gas for the truck is too expensive to be an option. Look at the TV. Damn near any channel. Damn near any time. Look at everything I've created from nothing and try to deny the value of my life to my face. It's not OK. It's not funny anymore.
Because I don't talk about the myriad of hell and obstacles I have and have had to endure on a daily basis doesn't mean they don't exist, I just make living in my truck through the hell I have (as friends and strangers steal things that cannot be stolen in the end?) look cool because I'm just that damn cool, not because if ANY other person were me or had been through what I've been through in the last decade they would remotely have performed the same or as well. And if you talk sh7t in response to that, you just don't know, and you might know some serious misinformation instead, which damn sure didn't come from me isn't my fault either, and no one can say I haven't been warning everyone to consider their sources before they say, feel, think, or have opinions about anything.
Some parts of putting myself through the hardest roles to understand them and get the experience to fix the problems from the top down and inside-out later was one thing. Realizing my life and well-being has once again been put in the headlights of not-even-fractionally-comprehensible domino-effect-like financial danger because people that shouldn't even be in my story in the first place are in positions of power to dispense advice from their not-remotely-me perspective while is something else entirely, and when I realize and am forced to remember just how far and sinisterly my well-being has been pushed by people not remotely of my caliber or helpful, kind, world-saving nature...to the threads...it's not funny or OK anymore, not that it ever was to begin with.
I've done everything I can that hasn't been prevented or sabotaged by the corrupt and broken whatever-it-is that got in the way, but heeeeey, it ain't my fault, and suffocating me with the invitation into my virtual home and mind and heart, and using the financial strings of that same beyond-belief circumstance hurt, mock, and endanger me isn't funny, it's evil, and it needs to be made to stop NOW by any means necessary.
By the time I talk to my mom again I damn sure hope her perspective has changed back to the way it was before my father or grandma died and the reno/caspurrr/unter/chase elements got involved, because not only was much of the damage from to 2006 caused by their misdesigns, they got alot, alot, alot of stuff wrong. Period. It's not something that can be argued or avoided. The proof and evidence is there waiting, and I didn't cause or choose it, I just had to pay the price for it. And trying to hold my head under water and putting me in scenarios like this aren't doing anyone any favors. Seriously. Think about it. Multiple negatives just causing more and more and more undeserved harm and danger = not good.
I don't care who. I don't care how. Just fix it. You will be given due credit and rewarded for intervening when it was most necessary later. In the meantime, that $10-12 grand that is nothing but a tax write-off needs to be thrown back on to the table for me to rescue the condition of many things. To even try and repeat the same insulting-to-my-intelligence excuses and reasons I've been forced to tolerate thus far is a non-option. Please if you value your future - don't try it. It's not "tough love", it's literally evil apathy or willfully blind stupidity on the world's stage, and I'm pretty sure more than enough damage to my life and well-being has already been caused.
I'm not just some random "homeless" guy. Duh. Don't address, approach, or regard me as such - I have paid waaaaaay too much already, and I deserve the due credit and respect for that.
Please do not try to throw the same LIE excuses at me when my life is on the line and what I've created from nothing but the ashes of an undeserved trip through hell most cannot even comprehend is worth priceless fortunes. It's not funny. It's not OK. It's not an acceptable, blind, everything-and-everyone-and-everycase-is-the-same world.
It's sick. Literally sick beyond comprehension to cause these types of whatever-you-wanna-call-this scenario to exist at this point.
What if I died because of this? Whose minds, actions, and roles would that blood be on? As they were coming from a position of? And doing what while I was...???
Don't STEAL THE CREDIT for what I created and shared with nothing but benevolent intent at my expense and then put my life in danger to this extent with it. THAT is why I, who is normally the most patient, laid-back, and funny character most will ever know, gets so bent out of shape and blows-up/"reacts" like this.
I'm only uploading this 'pointed essay' to my blog for the time being as I go back to my half-assed picture tinkering. Whether I forward it to the much-loved-and-respected-and-grateful-for-as-a-child but present-day weak link or call first I haven't decided, but I'm going to drop it for now, and by the time I do call and speak with her, whether she is remotely aware of my 4-year-long writing project or still calls me crazy for trying to explain to her the Universe of what I know that she doesn't, for the immediate life-rescuing purposes I don't care, all I know is I hope to God her attitude and excuses/"reasoning" in regard to the money in light of the scale of what I've created as a whole has changed dramatically, because the potentially life-destroying domino effect of circumstance that has once again come to exist as it was known it would is simply unacceptable, and at this point, condition, and awareness, yes, I consider any lack of emergency and exceptional action on my behalf an attempt on my life - because it clearly is hanging in the balance of that FAKE catch 22. And I'm not crazy. What I created is unique and brilliant. Imagine having your one-and-only actually real family member call you crazy and hang up the phone on you every time you call, FOR YEARS, because of the whole 5 nature of the black-ops universe and the design of my project and the world as it exists, not because of anything wrong I actually did to deserve any of it. It hurts emotional well-being more than words can convey.
The more you have, money, power, talent, skill, position, whatever-wise, the more accountable you now are for not stepping in when the sh7t has gone too far, which is what those threads on Flash's rear tire say.
If you were me (imagine ironically being 3x better than remotely given credit for thus far), how would you feel every time you realize the pain and danger you are in is real yet as apparently worthless to those who should be most grateful?
Instead of helping me directly with even comically minimal resources from pools of millions, they have been used to...
I digress. Do what you can, or at least make a clear mark in history on your blog or show or whatever about your position in reference, because I feel extremely hurt right now.
Brakes? Tires? Oil? Gas? Car registration and insurance? $10 in food to live on a day? Do I really ask that much for all I have given that my life should be subjected to knowing it could be ended at any blind second because I have no choice but to drive on tires that have already been worn down to the very edge of their functional existence not unlike my mind, body, and soul neglected by "rich" social pools? :(...
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