<<< /// ^^^ /// 777 /// vvv: July 2011

Begin forwarded message:

From: Allen Simpson <allenesimpson.as@gmail.com>
Date: July 31, 2011 3:40:40 PM PDT
To: "go@blogger.com" <go@blogger.com>
Subject: #30BBM Day 1 – Assess Yourself Son - a.k.a. "why you dumb little bastard"

The Cat in the Box Paradox
1.) This is a tricky one.
A.) Because I don't think my 'personality' can be accurately gauged outside of the comically compromised, exacerbated, and amplified circumstances I presently find myself in personal-life-story-wise.
B.) The much larger over-arching economic/sustainability problems facing mankind as a whole my mind and life is constantly aware of while trying to invent solutions, consuming my view of the world like paranoia. Unemployed/"The sky is falling!"/"Peak Oil!!! Ahhh!!!"/etc.
That said, C.) I still completely love myself personality-wise as a human-being, so I'll say 9 or 10 speaking in terms of inwardly-rating 'thoughtful approach to existence', but at the moment my 'social personality' is a 0.
I've been 'protectively withdrawn' from any normal typical career and social circles for the better part of the last decade while enduring some sort of weird true autobiography-creating research and design narrative, so it's hard to compare. I've been extremely popular and social before though, so it was an intentional choice to recondition my behavior to some extent.
I completely left all those normal social pillars unoccupied while in a torrent-like flurry of this magical writing project I created to literally try and design the mechanisms to save the world, but I haven't done anything to profit from it yet, so how does one measure personality within that kind of WTF scenario?
So yeah, I give myself a 0-17 depending on what aspect of 'personality' we're counting.
And from whose perspective in regard to what?
Because I've noticed all those factors tend to fluctuate greatly for a variety of very specific 'exceptions to the rule' reasons. Wow, I'm failing immensely well thus far. Alright, then I'll just say 1.777. I'm a 1.777 out of 10.
There ya go! 9-10/0, 0-17, & 1.777
Why?
Oh God, here we go... Well, it all started when I was born in LA, raised in the middle of nowhere in Texas, and then thrust back into LA 20 years later without the first clue. Consequently, any 'reference' examples of my personality in action throughout this lifetime have been unfairly positioned square in the crosshairs of quite a few blindsides by others.
"I guess I didn't know."
This led to me becoming even more of a philosopher and amateur psychiatrist trying to figure out and heal the behaviors of wild-types my life should have never been so foolishly come into contact with in the first place, but the collateral damage from that also led to my present ridiculous predicament where my entire life is essentially upside down and I'm a fish out of water compared to everything else I had/have known during my 35 years of highly-interesting existence on this planet.
That said, I honestly think true-personality-wise I am one of the most interesting, caring, happiness-generating, childish-at-heart, fun-loving people I can think of next to Stephen Colbert. But, like they say, completely unfair things happen to good people.
On the other hand, in the 'correctly navigating social constructs' and making something out of my life and project category, I am technically a complete failure at the moment, and it's in painfully ironic contrast to everything I have seen and done and been before. Yet I know this, so it's not failure, it's just delaying success. Yet it weighs on my mind constantly.
I used to be obsessively consumed with making myself the best person I could be and trying to figure out how to make the most out of my one-and-only-known-shot-at-life every moment, but then a series of unthinkable events and revelations happened over the course of several years that all but made me give up hope, concern, or any motivation to even continue trying. Well, I mean, I'm still trying to save the world, but I don't hit the gym several times a week at the moment, or have a job, or a girlfriend...so there's room for improvement.
Yet it seems so hard to rebuild when I've seen how easily and unfairly it can be taken away and how just plain wrong so many people in the world can be. I removed any social support base when I had to get rid of all my friends who were bad influences in some key life-destroying areas a few years back (2006), and much of my security in believing in humanity or at least trusting certain ones was lost in there too, so from there I just stayed protectively alone and working on my 'writing project' rather than rebuild the social circles, even though I know on many levels it's stupid and dumb or at least "not normal", not that normal was ever a goal.
Tah-dah!
Now time to list the 'far less perfect' aspects of my being.
comically self-limiting
easily distracted
poor
alone
lazy/"very comfortable typing this on my smartphone while lying in bed"
asocial
disorganized
procrastinate
unmotivated
helplessly hyper-analytical
possibly-invalid-too-based-on-principle-reason-hampered
care too much
too honest
too curious
has-serious-problem-with-fake-people
not-in-sync-with-any-remote-normal-social-protocol
unfocused
too considerate
In Reflecting...
Did I learn anything yet? Yes and no. Being a previous self-directed-behavior nut and very self-and-life-analytical person in general, I'm constantly fully-aware of the myriad of flaws going on as well as the knowledge that there are known methodical approaches to address and correct them, I just fall into habitual bouts of being too unmotivated and distracted to do anything about it.
I've started such projects by myself a few times, so I'm aware of what happens when I take off the Iron Man helmet and take an honest inventory of myself and the circus of thoughts, emotions, logical rationalizations, and circumstances that parade steadily through my mind, but then it typically gets lost in that torrent of distractions and the fortress of solitude and A.D.D. Hopefully this group initiative will have the more necessary reinforcing effect this time around.
***reset***
Sorry, did I mention I get distracted by all the "terror floof* on my TV? And since I launched a writing project right into the center of that tornado back in 2006 as well, well, it's like any/all assessments and judgments of my personality in this role and condition, even by myself, should come with a whole series of asterisks.
I could attach all the crazy rationalizations and experimental project disclaimers to them.
Question: Do all people that believe in a religion of some sort have to list that as a factor in their personality? Like if they were living in a terror storm environment or some sort of prison of war camp or homeless? Or being forced to watch American political theater as truth?
I've also learned/remembered that by simply surrounding myself with the right type of content and options, I'm much happier than filling my mind with non-useful content, and by direct comparison with what I have been doing with much of my time and life instead, this is infinitely more valuable.
In simply catching myself off-guard while lost in a million different directions as usual, I impulsively enrolled myself into this latest challenge of Celestine's, and even while clicking-through various links in her articles as I read along, I was already back into that forest of useful knowledge of hers I had forgotten about but typically revel in.
That alone led to me reading-and-recording-myself-reading 101 Ways to a Better Me for some quick reminders, and then I figure I'll listen to that when I'm slowly waking up in the morning rather than distractionary 'floof' radio and TV.
"Starting off on the right foot" right?
I also learned that, true to form, I have put my life in such a relatively unique and unusual position compared to my typical peers and social circles that, yes, even trying to explain or correctly assess myself compared with other examples is extremely difficult, so it should be interesting what, if any, impact leaving such a 'crazy' and creative yet completely honest and 'up there' entry like this has.
I also learned/remembered that Celestine's writing and clarity of thought/organization is so exceptional by comparison, that, as a writer, I barely even qualify.
The 'Ideal Version' of me is simply me with the money and right teams to put my project together and love interests to keep me even-infinitely-more-happy and focused properly. Where does that leave me?

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: "The Personal Excellence Blog" <donotreply@celestinechua.com>
Date: Jul 31, 2011 2:08 AM
Subject: #30BBM Day 1 – Assess Yourself
To: "@AlynAlyxWest" <AllenESimpson.as@gmail.com>

Latest Post From
The Personal Excellence Blog

#30BBM Day 1 – Assess Yourself
by Celes on Jul 31, 2011 04:00 pm

This is Day 1 of "Be a Better Me in 30 Days" (30BBM) August 2011 Challenge. If you have not signed up yet, please read the announcement post first, then sign up here before proceeding!
Hi everyone, finally – it's 1st August today! Welcome to the all-new Be a Better Me in 30 Days August Challenge (30BBM)!
This month of August is going to be a month of change and conscious action. For the next 30 days, we are going to be working on a series of tasks to build our character and work towards our ideal persona. I want you to bear in mind that August is the month to Be a Better YOU. This means that regardless of what you do, people you meet, situation you're in, I want you to challenge yourself on how you can make something better (even if you're handling everything very well). Then, apply that insight right away. Because being a better us happens every moment, every second – not just limited to doing a specific task on a specific day from a specific course (30BBM).
Now that you have signed up for 30BBM (if you have not signed up yet, what are you waiting for?! Go and officially sign up now before you continue reading!!), I want you to commit yourself fully to 30BBM. Chunk away redundant, less important tasks you have in August right now and dedicate yourself to the daily tasks in 30BBM. Don't even give yourself any excuse or reason to skip any day's task. Know that no matter what happens, all of us are here to support each other, so share everything openly in the comments area.
30BBM is meant to be a "Live", community-driven challenge, so don't just read the tasks quietly every day and disengage from the community. You'll experience little like this. Rather, share your results. Read what others have to say (We have a huge group of participants and you definitely don't need to read all the comments – just a small handful is fine). Reply to the ones that resonate with you. Post a helpful note to 1-2 fellow participants if you can. If everyone of us does this, we'll take away so much more from this experience. The more we share, the more we'll be able to learn.
Believe it or not, we've 300 400 500 600 642 whooping participants to date (as of 31 Jul)!!! Imagine all 642 of us inside one, large, beautiful, magnificent room right now, basked in glorious, golden light – all eager to be a better us, all yearning to push our growth to the next level. The passion each of you have for your growth is overwhelming me, truly. I'm incredibly touched by your never-wavering commitment towards betterment, and I'm very honored to be here with you on your growth journey.
If you haven't yet, set aside an hour every day (in August) for the daily tasks. I recommend to set it first thing in the morning, such that you can read the task at the start of the day, and you have the rest of the day to do the task.
By the way, while this is not directly related to 30BBM, I thought I should mention this here. As I shared in the announcement post, I'm currently traveling (As of my writing this, I'm at Berlin, Germany and will be on a 10-hr road to Paris tomorrow morning!!) so it's a real personal test managing the travels, maintaining the blog, handling my coaching sessions AND running an online course as massive as 30BBM. If you're reading this post right away after it's published at TPEB, I'm halfway across France.
That said, this is exactly what I relish in (publishing personal boundaries and what is "defined" by others as possible), and this is what I invite all of you to do in 30BBM as well. Because it's precisely when one is made to do what he/she is normally accustomed to do where real growth occurs (see #42 in 101 Ways To Be a Better Me).
I target to post each day's task every morning, 6am (SG time, GMT +8). Since Singapore is in a faster time zone than most countries, 6am SG time means most of us will get the task first thing in the morning.
Not that I'm preparing for the following to happen, but due to my travels, there may be days/times when I don't get to publish the task at the exact hour (e.g. due to unanticipated loss of internet access, long than expected travel/transit times, last minute travel schedule changes etc). If so, I seek your understanding, cooperation, and patience on that, and trust that I'm already working my best to have the task up ASAP for the day (vs. flooding the comments, my Facebook or Twitter on where the day's task is, why it's not up yet, or when it's going up, which was what happened for some days of 30DLBL last year).
Doing the latter will only create more noise in the system and make things worse, because then I'll have to take time to read/process/address the inquiries vs. working on the task. Know that 30BBM (and my blog related work/coaching) is my top priority – It is my objective to prepare and post each day's task as early as possible such that all of us can get working on it asap.
Without further ado, let's now move to day 1′s task!

Day 1 – Assess Your Personality
Ensure you've officially signed up for the course before you continue on to today's task.
Today's task will take about 30-45 min.

"Men of genius are admired, men of wealth are envied, men of power are feared; but only men of character are trusted."Alfred Adler
As you know, 30BBM is to be a better us. It's created so we can develop our character, to weed out our bad character traits, to build new, desired traits, to cultivate universal values, to re-discover ourselves – so that we become the highest person we can be proud of.
As I mentioned in 101 Ways to Be a Better Person, when I was in university, I didn't like myself very much. While I was very good in what I did and put my 110% in everything I was a part of, be it in my studies, in my graphic design work (I ran a designing business then), my extra-curricular activities, my project work, and was overall a very well-rounded, high performing, and highly accomplished individual (compared to the peer group), there would be often times when I wasn't happy with how I was, on the inside.
For example, I hated how I was always so critical of others. It was great in that this part of me pushed boundaries and created the best results each time, but I often ended up having a strong distaste for people I worked with on projects (usually people who were not as committed, did things at the last minute, etc), even though I really just wanted to make pure, unadulterated connections with everyone, regardless of who they were or how they were like.
I hated how I had such a hard personality – that as much as I wanted to be a kind, pure, warm individual, that I would come across as rude, brash, masculine, critical, pinpointed, against my better wishes, because I deemed these as repulsive traits.
I hated how I was selfish – always thinking about myself and my needs in life, rather than for others.
I hated how there would be times when I would be negative and complain about every single thing, rather than get a grip of myself and get a handle of the situation.
I hated how I was such an emotionally stingy person, always looking for positive affirmations and emotional displays from others, rather than doing that myself.
I remember at that time thinking – If there were things about my personality that I didn't like, why not work on it directly as a goal? For if there was one thing I was good at, it would be setting goals, identifying action steps, and achieving them.
And that I did. I started assessing my character. I identified the things I liked about myself, and the things I didn't like about myself. Thereby, I thought about the ideal traits I wanted to possess – the ideal persona I wanted to achieve. I then created a plan plan to integrate these traits, one after another, and set off to make them a part of me. Every day, I would make a commitment to live through to my ideal traits.
Today, it has been a long time (4-5 years, give or take) since I first did that, and I can see how the conscious decision to improve my character from that point has since made me a far happier person. Today, I'm incredibly happy with who I am. I'm incredibly happy with life. I'm incredibly happy with what the universe has brought to me, into my world. I'm much happier with who I've come to be, because the virtues of kindness, compassion and love (warm qualities) resonate with me far more than a scarcity mindset, emotional stinginess, and a general oppressiveness towards others (cold, hard qualities).
For this week, we're going to be working on the series of steps above – one at a time. For today's task, you'll be assessing yourself.

Your Task: Assess Yourself
The first task of 30BBM is to assess your personality.
Take out a pen and a piece of paper, and answer the following questions:

If you were to rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 (in terms of your personality), how much would you rate yourself? Would you give yourself a 1? Would you give yourself a 10? A 3? A 5? A 7?

Be as honest as possible. You know yourself the best. While people can only know you by how you behave and what you choose to say, you know all the thoughts that goes through your head the whole time. Are you the person others think you are? Or are you someone else? No body knows the real you better than you.

Many people think that giving yourself a score of 1-2/10 means you dislike yourself. That's complete bullshit and it can't be further away from the truth. Your score merely indicates how far you see yourself from your potential, ideal self (which is a 10). The bigger the gap, the higher you see your potential for growth.

So if you put yourself as 1/10, that means you see huge potential to be better – which makes it easy to be a better you. On the other hand, those who rate themselves as 9/10 or 10/10 often don't grow much – because they already think they're good enough. Which is fine by itself, but I believe most of us who joined the challenge do so because we recognize growth is transcendent, and there can never be an end point to how good we can be.

Why did you give yourself the score in Q1?

State down specific reasons why – At least 3-5 points to explain your score.

Elaborate as much as you can. The more you write, the better.

Now, write down 5-7 traits about yourself you want to work on.

These can be traits you don't like about yourself, or traits you are okay with but you want to eradicate because they serve no value to you.

Remember, elaborate as much as you want. The more you write, the better.
Question 3 is actually a lead-in for Day 2′s task. Tomorrow, we will be delving into the character traits we want to work on (ergo looking deeper into your Q3 answers) – so stay tuned.

Day 1 Reflection for 30BBM
For each 30BBM task, we'll have a quick reflection session. This is to identify and collect our learnings and reflections, rather than just do the task for the sake of doing it.

Is there anything you learned today? (Be it about yourself, or about other things. This can be related/unrelated to the task, inspired by answers by other participants, inspired by the discussions in the community, or due to something that happened in your life today, outside of 30BBM)

If so, what is it? Write it down.

Share Your Answers!
What's the score you gave for yourself? Why? What are the 5-7 traits about yourself you would like to work on moving ahead?
Share your answers with the others in the comments area! Check out others' replies and share your replies to them too!
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Related Posts:
*Over 600 Participants!!* Join "Be a Better Me in 30 Days" August Challenge! #30BBM

"Live a Better Life in 30 Days" Challenge – April Live Run

"Live A Better Life in 30 Days" Challenge in September!

Official Launch: 30DLBL Program

How To Be a Better Person: 101 Ways (and All New August Challenge!!)

30DLBL Day 0 – Workbook and 30-Day Action Plan

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