Everytime those past nothing should-truly-have-never-existed-in-the-first-place beyond-comprehension-and-inaccurate random associations get brought up completely out of and in the wrong side of the context, then of course my heart and head implodes while being forced to contain an immediate "Lego-like brickload" of traumatic experiences it recalls in association with various people and things that I have still not had the liberty or opportunity to talk-about and address directly, and because of that the entire freaking Truman Show 33/police/intelligence/plants you-name-it world once again helplessly erupts and is additionally caught-up-in/victimized by these same beyond glaring and painful flaws in design, execution, and judgment.
But that's the torture part! It's the same little meaningless evil user bitches I was trying to help/save/tolerate for long, long, long, long, long periods of time I should have never been drug into by lies and the random and unfortunate context in which I met them in the first place.
They used me. They beyond used me. They didn't care. They didn't care about the damage. They didn't care about their pathological lies masking truths as evil but-much-much-much-more-so than anything you've seen on cheaters, and when that degree of wrong and lies is coupled with some really disturbing "RAPECOP" mentalities and authoritarian positions of control ironically on the wrong side and in the wrong mind frame because of those certain few pathological-grade lying slutty types I attempted to escape to my house on the hill to avoid in the first place.
And then a whole cast of characters just keeps breaking into my lab, portfolio, toy house, and sanctuary for years as a result, turning my project into the real-world tailspin that it became, as I still did everything in my technologically handicapped power (just like now) to capture it just for my own future reference and protection when I suddenly found myself and my life forced to encounter creatures whose comparative selfishness and lack of concern for all parties and numbers and equations and everything else involved I couldn't even fathom?
So many tears. So many scars. So much blood and sweat and time otherwise invested elsewhere lost.
Those 'pitfall' behavioral caliber models should be illegal, as many other things, and I guess it took my "Ultimate/Unique exception-to-the-rule" life's story happening on the world's stage to make people understand the unacceptably-brutal nature of some behavioral examples and the needless damage they caused when it is finally truly infinitely multipled to one-point status on this now-singularly-small world.
Now with: #KarynRRRealityInsurance, 10 years advanced recording capability, and the Ultimate set of highly filtered best-matches-on-Earth to choose from it is once again theorhetically infinitely better in sync on my end AS IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ALL ALONG, but at least I can use the nightmare "angel" examples ikn side-by-side example comparison with random "Best of Flock-in-relation-to-Me" examples I'll most likely find and want to keep as I go.
K. The moral of the story is, people are different, and so you gotta be specific and accurate about everything, or, well, you'll see...
I'm going to go turn the silent hand fan club video of myself on replay again now just to remind me, sometimes it really isn't me at all, it's them.
Just like my half-sister Melissa. Total stranger. Never knew her well. Totally-different to the very core programming, yet along comes my all-powerful but blind "sidekick", and suddenly with all the attention and power my even-from-rock-bottom project brings, everyone is behaving in ways that are certainly interesting, but that's the funny/telling part...
Back to work.
:/
*pushes play on video*
*spoons waggin*
Phew. There. Better. I Love Me. And not in those shallow, false, fake way other people use the world Love. My love IS COMPLETELY CONDITIONAL. As a hooman-behavior-aware trainer
-type, I know what I can see and appreciate and tolerate, and I know that which causes there to be nothing but more cycles of wrong and harm in the world and that is not on a par with my own caliber and behavior, which is designed in protection of the other person, not just myself, based on a solid and candid existence. I cannot love equally people whose behavior puts them in very different categories in my mind based on specific analysis of their choices, logic, rationslizations and methodologies in light of the examples that must be set, and I resent any creature that is a false friend or human being. Rightfully so.
I only build value of association on foundations of individual character. If people cannot separate themselves from their programming enough to explain it in light of context in order to not-cause-harm to specific "over-seers" like me, then what shall I tell them?
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